What to do when you begin talking about (to others) a problem in your home, involving assertive child behaviour and tantrums.
“Talking to others about a problem and especially complaining is a sign that we need to ask for angel help as we are not, for this instance at this time (not always!) feeling capable of gently overseeing the circumstance with our current skills and mental equipment.”
Maybe 99% of the time you have this under wraps and have not, until this time, believed it could possibly be a problem in your home. And for some reason, due to some surrounding circumstance, you just cannot handle it on your own now that it has occurred. This is ok. This is what the angels are here for: just like dialing 000 and asking for help, angels are here to help 100% of the time and wonder why we don’t contact them more often. 😊
We’re talking about tantrums and difficult behaviour at home in children 4 years old, 5 years old, 6 years old, and 7 years old. Specifically, a treasured young boy or girl:
- refusing to cooperate,
- hurting other children,
- throwing things,
- rejecting another child,
- demanding their way,
- breaking or damaging items,
- threatening to hurt or damage something and following through,
- defiance and “doing it anyway”,
- intention and stubbornness to buy and shop,
- not listening to reason,
- obsessive begging to do or have something,
- ignoring and choosing to not listen, and
- excessive crying and wailing.
For when the problem is tantrums and strong-willed behaviour.
It is great for a child to be strong-willed and assertive and clear in their personal wishes and boundaries. And yet, it is inconvenient when it becomes an energy-converter in the home – that is, when the child’s behaviour makes everyone else break their focus and go from being happy and calm, to instantly edgy, miserable, nervous, angry, frustrated. Or when other people’s belongings are being broken or damaged. Or when there is waste to food, toys, money, and careless damage to home furnishings and expensive goods.
There are so many ways to talk about this issue. Like recognizing stressors and even exploring whether your child has post-traumatic stress, which is totally acceptable, just like it is for grown ups. Like acknowledging that your child simply does not like what he/she is being asked to do. Like looking at the triggers of the tantrum, which may be the way you, or other people, are speaking to your child right before the tantrum takes place. Like your child not having enough of a challenge to provide a sense of purpose, growth and achievement. Like the amount of over-activity and stimulation in the day, and perhaps a lack of nourishing sleep and time to rest and breathe. Like diet and absence of healthy fats, nutrients and balanced amounts of sugar. Like asking too much of your child for his/her developmental age. Like taking a look in the mirror at yourself and your expectations and if the roots are actually with you and your ideas of who your child should be, who you should be as a mum, and how life should roll. But
Help with tantrums in children. Help with honoring Who They Are. Help with bad behaviour. Help with coping, help with staying true to our gentle natures, and help with being a good parent. Help with not complaining to others about our own gorgeous kids! Help with transforming the home and lifestyle so the tantrums don’t happen in the first place. Help with our language. Help with our beliefs around tantrums, parenting and children.
Again, we’re talking about tantrums in 4 year old kids, 5-year old kids, 6-year old kids, and 7-year old kids.
What I would like you to consider.
- COMPASSION. How would it feel for you to be compassionate right now, to the feelings and challenges he or she is facing? Can you instantly see the situation through his / her eyes? This is the first step. Give him / her a hug! A nice long hug. How does this feel for both of you?
- The second step is understanding resilience. Your children will learn resilience from being rejected, from hearing you say no, from a change in the tone of your voice, from hearing your shock and disapproval. You need to advise them when their behaviour is not acceptable. By hearing this and expressing their needs and wants, and continuing on with their goals, is an example of resilience. This is a trait to be in awe of, truly. It will help them strive for what they believe in, and to dream and achieve. And when they mature, they will use this skill in the right way. So BELIEVE IN RESILIENCE. Believe that this whole circumstance is actually for the best, in the long-term.
- The third step is to ALLOW. What would it mean for you to allow this behaviour to continue? Does it really cause that great a problem in your home? This will completely depend on what is happening, and how costly it is, and how it is affecting others. Remember, this too shall pass. We ask that you take a step back and listen to your intuition on this one. Do you feel in your heart this is temporary? Or are you convinced it is a very bad situation and you need it to change now? The greatest compliment passed from one family to another is that of allowance. Allowing your loved ones to be themselves, to express their excitement and disappointments, within your supportive environment. And in turn, when they are grown up, they will be able to provide a supportive space for their partner (or loved ones), to be themselves when they experience heart-break or jubilation.
- The fourth step is to EXAMINE YOUR EXAMPLE. What example are you setting? What behaviour traits do you set? How can you change from the inside and lead from the front? Apologise. Say you are sorry for teaching them that this is the way to behave. And, ask them if they have seen this behaviour anywhere else. Ask them to reflect on their friends at preschool or family members who have taught this, through their example. And wash it away in an action together – like window washers, like a soapy hot tub, wash it away. Ask your child to help release it, or forget it, as it doesn’t belong to you and doesn’t happen anymore. You can also ask them how it felt to be angry? And what if instead, they said these words: “Please stop it”. If something is happening that they don’t like, they can say, “Please stop it.” Recite it together and assure them of how powerful the words are. If they don’t feel the situation will change (that they are afraid of), assure them that the angels will hear “Please stop it” and will act immediately to help.
- Finally the next step is, CHANGE YOUR VOCABULARY. You have reached a point where you are talking about this behaviour to other people, and this is perfect in that it validates to you that you are uncomfortable. It is important to name a situation, and to write a list of the problematic behaviours, in order to see that there is something that needs to change. But that’s where your language with negative, low-vibration words (such as “tantrums, fights, obsession,” needs to stop). So you focus on the positive traits that you want to see. You write a list of the positive words that you want to use. You speak these words, and you encourage your child to listen to you when you are praising him or her.
How to use the Law of Attraction to prevent tantrums in your home.
- The words you say are creating your life right now. So let’s get started fixing what’s happening. Get out a piece of paper, and dump all of those words on there that don’t feel good, relating to this situation. Words like tantrum, fight, crying, hitting, wrecking, shouting, all those feelings and thoughts that are taking over right now. Write them down, feel how yucky they are. Then breathe it out. It’s over now.
- Use the next page of your journal to write down the words and thoughts that are the OPPOSITE. Like peace, calm, cooperation, friendliness, purpose, direction, understanding, compassion, love. These words need to become your focus. Draw creatively around these words and put them on a poster, on your wall, or in a spot you can read regularly (like above the kitchen sink). Read them out loud to your child.
- Write your child a gift card and say to them something like, “I love how you are so friendly, and helpful when your big sister asks for help. It’s so beautiful of you to share, not everyone does that, but you do, and I love that”.
- Talk to other children in your household about the law of attraction, and the technique of saying the things you want to see. Ask them to stop EXPECTING negative behaviour, and start expecting the best. Help them brainstorm the negative “yukky” words and positive “happy” words too, if they find this difficult to understand.
- Consider whether there could be some grief or a sense of loss from a recent death, or dear person who became sick or moved away. You can ask your son or daughter to finish this sentence: “I can’t be happy without … ” to see if this truly is beneath the surface. Also, something to explore with a spiritual counsellor or healer, is an attachment to someone (relative, friend or pet) who has passed away. If your child hasn’t wanted to “let go”, the attachment could be transforming their behavior in both mild and major ways. Let your child know gently that it’s time to say goodbye, and together, give the loved one permission to leave. This will allow your child to return to their true personality and sense of one’s-self.
I hope some of these words are helpful to you in your situation and I wish you a very merry season! It’s a time to be grateful, optimistic and loving. Be sweet with yourself and others. Bless!
Joanna Becker, Australian Author
© Copyright 2018.